A recent Pew Research report  on Millennials published findings ranging from:

• demographic differences:  the Millennial generation is the most diverse generation, with 43% non-white adults,
• economic differences: Millennials are the first generation to have a lower standard of living than their predecessors, with higher levels of student debt, poverty, and unemployment,
• and cultural differences: Millennials have the lowest levels of religious affiliation in history.

However, the most interesting and concerning statistic was about trust.  Millennials have the lowest levels of trust of any other generation.  When asked, “Generally speaking, would you say that most people can be trusted or that you can’t be too careful in dealing with people,” just 19% of Millennials say most people can be trusted.

Why does trust matter? Because trust is an indicator of our willingness to connect, to feel interdependent, and to develop a sense of community. Because trust means much more to us in the West than anywhere else in the world. In the Western world, trust carries an emotional context, one that establishes something good (trustworthy) or bad (distrustful).  It can also be used very loosely. ”I don’t trust him.”  You can say this with little corroboration. It can be based on gut feel or nervous energy.  And we accept that here.

In contrast, in the written Tibetan language, which was created to translate Sanskrit Buddhist texts, there is no word for trust. In Tibetan, the direct translation for the word “trust” is “reliability.”  For example, someone is either reliably late or reliably on time.  By using reliability, you disregard the emotion.  Someone is not a “bad” person because they are late.  They are just expected to be late.

The problem with the use and abuse of the meaning of trust, is that it works only to further distance us from each other.  For my entire life, I’ve dealt with trust issues. Having moved around a lot growing up, I realized very early on that a) there are many different types of people in the world and b) not everyone sees eye to eye on the same issues or social constructs.  So I didn’t trust what people said or what they claimed they could or could not do.  My mother also greatly influenced my suspicion of others.  To keep me safe, she asked me to always question what a stranger said. “You don’t know what they want from you,” she would say.  I couldn’t let down my guard, even with my husband.  Would he hurt me? Take advantage of me?  Abuse me?   Only after years of knowing him, did I finally trust that he wouldn’t surprise me.

This insulation from others has another effect, a dangerous one. Loneliness.  With distrust, you’re in your head almost all the time, and you become ever more concerned with your own feelings and experiences.  When you don’t trust others, they don’t matter as much. They are just potential “enemies,” people who can take advantage of you or hurt you. This leads to anxiety.  This anxiety and lack of connectedness leads to depression.  In essence, lack of trust can destroy your happiness.

To be contented human beings we need trust and friendship, which tends to develop much better once we realise that all beings have a right to happiness, just as we do. Taking others’ interests into account not only helps them, it also helps us.

Dalai Lama

I grew up distrustful because the society I lived in and the guidance I was given taught me to distrust in order to protect myself.  It’s taken me years  to realize that by focusing on protecting myself so much, it’s made me unable to experience the happiness of letting myself go and letting someone else in.  I love this quote by the Dalai Lama.  It reminds me that the key to developing trust is not to wait long enough for someone to prove they won’t hurt you.  The key is realizing that the other person wants the same thing as me – they don’t want to be hurt and they want happiness and freedom and love. And it’s in my power to give that to them.  So millennials and non-millennials alike – we have a job to do. We have to help each other eliminate the word trust.  So much so that trust no longer becomes a barrier to what we really want – ultimate connection.  Because without this level of acceptance of each other, we’ve already lost our fight for happiness.

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