I started meditating when I was 7.  I remember freezing my butt off in the dead of winter in Ithaca, New York, standing in front of a Buddha statue next to my father in our little prayer alcove.  It was really a converted closet in graduate school housing, but that didn’t matter to me.  What mattered was that I got to share this experience and moment with my most favorite person in the world (daddy’s girl would have been a gross understatement for me).  I closed my eyes, clasped my hands together in prayer, and then stood there for what seemed like hours. Needless to say, I don’t think I exactly knew what I was doing.

The second time I tried meditating, I don’t think I was any better off.  It was many many years later, and this time, I was alone and I had a meditation teacher guide me through it.  It was simple really.  Sit cross legged, keep your palms on your lap, and then focus on your breathing. But for the life of me, I couldn’t focus, and after failing consistently, I just figured meditation wasn’t for me.

I didn’t pick up meditation again until about 4 months ago. I never bothered to try until then because I didn’t understand the point. Some people said it was good for reducing stress or anxiety. Well, alcohol is too.  Others said that it made you healthier.  I didn’t know what that meant, and frankly, I wasn’t all that interested in “being healthier” (whatever that meant).  I also heard stories about awesome things that monks could do when they meditated, like raising their core body temperature to dry cold,wet sheets wrapped around them in freezing temperatures (no joke!).  While this sounded really cool, I wasn’t up for living off plants in the Himalayas for 20 years.

So what changed?  A year ago I had a revelation.  I realized that I was completely and utterly discouraged. I wanted to contribute, to leave a legacy, to help people, and instead, I was in Office Space 2 scheduling meetings to prep for more meetings.  I realized I would be working for the rest of my life, and I wasn’t sure if work could completely fulfill me. I was sporadically depressed and becoming increasingly anxious.  I was stressed about making a difference in the present, but constantly worried about the future. Where was I going? What was I doing with my life? What was the point of it all?

It was during this time that I turned back to Buddhism. While I had been raised culturally Buddhist, I had never before been taught the core principles (besides don’t do bad things or you’ll get reborn as a slug).  It took a Westerner I met at a Quantified Self conference who spent half his time living in a Buddhist monastery, to make me re-examine my adopted religion.  He wanted to measure how monks in Tibetan monasteries were able to learn so quickly. These monks literally memorized hundreds of pages of texts a day, and then debated them (not regurgitated) the following day.  It also turns out that they are probably some of the happiest people in the world.  Through him, I discovered the true point of meditation and Buddhism.

“Meditation is changing the mind to generate more positive states of mind.”

The purpose of Buddhism is to look into our minds, understand the causes of suffering, and remove them.  The essence of Buddhism, therefore, is to “transform the mind to be more positive.”

So what is a positive state of mind?  It’s a state of mind that results in peace and happiness for yourself and others. Put this way, meditation and Buddhism make a lot of sense to me.  And I have a choice.  I can continue to feel despondent and awful about my life and job, or I can fix what is going on in my mind, the only thing that is truly in my control.  If meditation can help to cure, and not just prevent pain, then I’m all in.

So 4 months ago, I started meditating again.  I’ve already seen some remarkable changes, but I’m not out of the woods yet. While I’m less anxious and feel that I can overcome negative emotions more quickly, I’m still trying to figure it out.  What I do know though, is that something is working, and I’m willing to continue testing it out.

From my experience so far, I recommend two things before you start meditating:

1. Figure out why you want to meditate. In the last 4 months, I’ve failed, cried, and given up multiple times during meditation sessions.  I kept going because I have a firm conviction, a will to really test this out.  You might want to start for different reasons. Any reason is fine, as long as it can withstand the learning process.  It’s worth it when you get there, but like any practice, you have to stick with it long enough to start feeling the difference.

2. Don’t approach this purely based on faith. Test, test, test.  Sure, it’s an ancient 2,500 year old tradition, and sure, I can say all the amazing changes that I’m seeing.  But for meditation to work, you can’t just believe it’ll work.  In my next post, I’ll talk about how to meditate. Take these directions completely, apply them completely, and then test to see if you notice any changes.  If you try doing this by believing something will work, the only thing that’ll come true will be your fantasies. And you know how long those last.  So, really, try it for real and test it for yourself.